Sleepy-Scales was NOT here
What ship do you support?
A headshot of the character you want me to draw with a simple background. Don't click the button, just give me two points in my donation box, please. :>
Also, please tell me what expression you want her to have. c:
I apologize if it didn't come out the way you were expecting it to. :c
|"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass; it's about going out there and dancing in the rain."- Unknown|
"I can't wait until the day when I hear a happy love song on the radio and don't want to smash the thing."- Unknown
"You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff...I laugh harder."- Unknown
"Have you lost your mind, getting married at twenty?" "Hell yeah, bring in the ambulance and get me institutionalized!"- Five seas
"The boundary between the genius and the idiot is a slim one"- The Archon
"If you're going through hell, keep going."- Winston Churchill.
"A philosopher once asked, 'Are we human because we gaze at the stars, or do we gaze at them because we are human?' Pointless, really...'Do the stars gaze back?' Now that's a question."- Stardust.
"Best friends are aware of how stupid you are, but still choose to be seen in public with you.-" Unknown
"I'm not afraid of Death. What's he going to do, kill me?"- Unknown
"Heaven doesn't want me there and Hell knows I'll take over."- Unknown
"STRESS: A condition brought on by over-riding the body's desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it."- Unknown
"Speaking in front of a crowd is the number one fear for an average person. Number two is death. That means if you have to be at a funeral, you'd rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy."- Unknown
"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep... not screaming, like the passengers in his car!"- Unknown
"Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense."- Unknown
"There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's just weird when you lose."- Unknown
"Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up."- Unknown
"Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver."- Unknown
"Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it..."- Unknown
"Isn't it funny that the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?"- Unknown
"Evening news is where they say, 'Good Evening' then proceed to tell you why it's not."- Unknown
"Whoever said 'Nothing's impossible' never tried slamming a revolving door."- Unknown
"You wanna know why God created man before woman? Every masterpiece needs a rough draft!"- Unknown
"The more you love someone, the more you want them dead."- Unknown
"I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love."- Unknown
"One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions."- Unknown
"Person #1: Happiness is just around the corner! Person #2: Too bad the world is round!"- Unknown
"You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it."- Unknown
"Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS."- Unknown
"If the world didn't suck we'd all fall off."- Unknown
"I love you is 8 letters, so is bullshit."- Unknown
"MENstrual pain, MENstrual cramps, MENtal anxiety, MENopause...Goddamnit... all of our problems start with MEN!"- Unknown
"My friends are the type of people who would try to drown a fish, but I love them anyway."- Unknown
"A day without sunshine is like... night."- Unknown
"An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed."- Unknown
"An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if the doctor is cute, screw the fruit."- Unknown
"My mind works like lightning...one brilliant flash and it's gone."- Unknown
"If at first you don't succeed...go back and reload the gun."- Unknown
"Some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill them."- Unknown
"Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat."- Unknown
"There are few problems that can't be solved with high explosives."- Unknown
"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move."- Douglas Adams
"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened."- Douglas Adams
"The difficulty with this conversation is that it's very different from most of the ones I've had of late. Which, as I explained, have mostly been with trees. "- Douglas Adams
"I can see a world without hate and without war. And I can see us taking over that world, because they'd never expect it."- Unknown
"Tragedy is when I cut my finger, comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die"- Mel Brooks
"Ignorance killed the cat. Curiosity was framed."- Unknown
"Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic."- Unknown
"A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.''- Mitch Ratliffe
"Beware the chickens, for in their silence, they plot..."- My quote for life. Chickens are evil little creatures.
"It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions."- Unknown
"There was just some things in life money couldn't buy. But for everything else, there was MasterCard…"- Lightning Streak
"Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but most abuse the privilege!"- Unknown
"I'm an angel, honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo straight!"- Unknown
"Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest."- Mark Twain
"Better to write/draw for yourself and have no public, than to write/draw for the public and have no self."- Cyril Connolly
"Show of hands. Who thinks we're screwed?"- Devon, Trial by Fire
"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes."- Unknown
"The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide."- Unknown
"My knight in shining amour turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil."- Unknown
"I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"- Unknown
"Life sucks and then you die."- Unknown
"All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies."- Unknown
"Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies."- Unknown
"Having the love of your life say 'we can still be friends', is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it."- Unknown
"Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought."- Unknown
"You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?"- Unknown
"I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole!"- Unknown
"Guys with Emo hair are like a billion times more sexy than other guys."- Unknown
"Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!"- Unknown
"Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs."- Unknown
"I ran with scissors, and lived! Take that laws of physi-ow!"- Unknown
"Dear Heart, I met a boy today, prepare to shatter."- Unknown
"I believe 'die bitch' conveys my feelings properly in most situations."- Unknown
"I say we shoot Cupid and see how he likes it."- Unknown
"He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron."- Unknown
"Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery."- Unknown
"What you call stupidity, I call selective understanding."- Unknown
"I am not saying you're stupid...I'm just implying it."- Unknown
"Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history."- Unknown
"Can I borrow your pen? I need to stab you in the eye."- Unknown
"You don't like me, well it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter."- Unknown
"Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid."- Unknown
"God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made women."- Unknown
"So many boys, so many reasons to stay alone."- Unknown
"I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I was aiming for your face."- Unknown
"Before you go and criticize the younger generation, just remember who raised them."- Unknown
"Reviews are like marriage: once you are in, it's hard to get out."- lafeedeslilas
"She was either not really poor or… heaven forbid, an optimist."- FHT3rdandCo
"You're more likely to be killed by a rouge campaign cork than a poisons spider."- Unknown
"Volleyball is the most commonly played sport in nudest colonies."- Unknown
"1: Did it hurt?
2: Did what hurt?
1: When you fell from Heaven.
1: Cause your face is seriously *&())(*& up!" - Ink Runs Through My Veins's Very Good Friend And Probably Bother From Another Mother Evan
"Get Whiny The Pooh out of here! He'll ruin me!" - Evan
"Guy 1: Why don't you get out of here before I get arrested?
Guy 2: Nah, I'd rather stick around and see that." - Evan
"Light travels faster than sound, thats why some people appear bright until you hear them speak."- Evan
"The sun is really bright. Why can't the rest of the world be like that?" - Evan
"Just because I have a big ass doesn't mean you need to grope it!"- Ink Runs Through My Veins
"I know I'm awesome, you don't need to stare."- Unknown
"Life is an avocado. I don't know why, it just is...shut up."- Evan
"Ink Runs Through My Veins: Don't go over to the dark side!
Evan: But they have cookies!
Ink Runs Through My Veins:...Their cookies are raw.
Evan: Yay! raw cookie dough!
Ink Runs Through My Veins: Dammit!"- Ink Runs Through My Veins and Evan
"Ink Runs Through My Veins: Mom?
Ink Runs Through My Veins: If I start laughing hysterically in my sleep-
Mom: What do you want me to do?
Ink Runs Through My Veins: Record it! I want to see what I'm like when I laugh in my sleep."- Ink Runs Through My Veins and her mom
"Life asked Death, 'Why does everyone love me, but hate you?' Death responded, 'Because you are a beautiful lie and I am a painful truth.'"- hikarirose13
"Haters gonna hate, but personally I find guilt-tripping even better."- Cezaria
"Writing/Drawing is a lot like sex. At first, you do it because you like it. Then, you find yourself doing it for a few close friends and people you like. But if you're any good at all... you end up doing it for money."- Unknown
"If 'Plan A' didn't work, the alphabet has twenty-five more letters so stay cool. Once you get to 'Plan Z' and it's still not working, then you can panic."- Unknown
"Most learn by observation. Some learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually touch the fire to see if it's hot."- Unknown
"He who talks by the yard and thinks by the inch deserves to be kicked by the foot."- Unknown
"Doctors say I have multiple personalities. We disagree with that."- Unknown
"When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then laugh while people try to figure out what the hell you did."- Unknown
"It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn."- Unknown
"I hate it when the voices and my imaginary friends fight."- Unknown
"If all else fails, try reading the instructions."- Unknown
"Lying is the most fun a girl can have without owning a flamethrower. However, I own a flamethrower, and therefore, life holds more fun for me then just lying!"- Unknown
"I'm not clumsy... The floor just hates me."- Unknown
"Smart is sexy."- Unknown
"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country."- Unknown
"If you can't convince them, confuse them."- Unknown
"Remember this, if someone is bothering you. It takes 40 muscles to frown, but it takes only three to stick up your middle finger and say, 'Bite me!'"- Unknown
"My imaginary friend thinks you have a very serious problem..."- Unknown
"Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit a bit harder."- Unknown
"Ask me no questions, I will tell you no lies…"- Unknown
"When in danger, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout."- Unknown
"Sticks and Stones may scar my skin but words slice through my soul within."- Unknown
"Death is God's way of saying you're fired. Suicide is humans way of saying you can't fire me, I quit."- Unknown
"Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that."- Unknown
"I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it."- Unknown
"I used to have a handle on life, but it broke."- Unknown
"Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive."- Unknown
"You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me."- Unknown
"Earth is the insane asylum for the universe."- Unknown
"I'm not a complete idiot --Some parts are missing."- Unknown
"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."- Unknown
"God must love stupid people; He made so many."- Unknown
"Consciousness: That annoying time between naps."- Unknown
"A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory."- Unknown
"Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a life time commitment for a pig."- Unknown
"The trouble with life is there's no background music."- Unknown
"I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on."- Unknown
"Friends are like potatoes. When you eat them, they die."- WinterLilly12
"I'm not arguing; I'm simply explaining why I'm right."- WinterLilly12
“If fandom were a kingdom I would be the queen. Because in chess, the queen is the most powerful piece- and because there are several photos of me circulating in drag.”- Misha Collins
"Creativity takes courage."- Henri Matisse
"Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane!"- Unknown
"Every door should have a key to open it; otherwise, it's not a door: it's a wall."- Cr1TiKaL
"Hello, welcome to my hell. This is where i've been throughout the whole game, what about you?"- xRpMx13
"You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless! You gotta hope even more, and plug your ears and go BLABLABLABLABLABLABLABLA!"- Phillip J. Fry, Futurama
"Some are speakers, teachers, leaders,
Others are comforters, listeners, healers..."- delusional-dreams
''A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.''- Emo Philips.
"To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world."- Brandi Snyder
"I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me."- SirvanaRachana
"Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest."- SirvanaRachana
"I'm semi-grown-ass man and I love this. Cute things are my weakness, and that includes, girls, animals, anime, some pokemon..."- Shin H. Vega (I'm sorry, Mazsker. But this sounds so muck like something you would say xD)
"If you can describe your character's personality in one sentence or less you're doing it wrong."- Hero of the Dark
"Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it's broken, but you can still see the crack in that mother fucker's reflection."- Lady Gaga
"I get annoyed easily but I try to keep it under control. I may seem nice at first but if you cross the line you have officially entered hell."- ReiAdos
"My friends are my lungs and if you try to hurt them I will burn your nipples off."- ReiAdos
"You will find ink in my veins and blood in my pen."- ShadowWings-Forever
"A good friend is hard to find, hard to lose, and impossible to forget."- Unknown
"It doesn't matter how many times you fall as long as the number of times you get back up is one more."- Unknown
"I don't mind getting caught staring at you because that means you were staring right back."- Unknown
"The worst part about knowing your being lied to in knowing your not good enough for the truth."- Unknown
"They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well I think guns help. I mean if you stood there and yelled 'BANG!' I don't think you'd kill too many people."- Unknown
"Very impressive, Neku. Show those fifth graders who's boss."- Yoshiya Kiryu/Joshua, The World Ends With You
"A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous."- Ingrid Bergman
"You can't wait for inspiration, you have to go after it with a club."- Jack London
"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."- Doctor Seuss
"That they bad-mouth me or not, it doesn't matter. Main thing is that they talk about me."- Léon Zitrone
"One's destination is never a place, but a new way of seeing things."- Henry Miller
"There is no moment of delight in any pilgrimage like the beginning of it."- Charles Dudley Warner
"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step."- Lao Tzu
"The worst way to miss someone is when they are right beside you and yet you know you can never have them."- Unknown
"I get the best feeling in the world when you say hi to me, or even smile, because I know even if just for a second, I crossed your mind."- Unknown
"We are afraid to care to much, for fear that the other person does not care at all."- Unknown
"The moments of happiness we enjoy take us by surprise. It is not that we seize them, but that they seize us."- Unknown
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."- Unknown
"Kiss your life. Accept it, just as it is. Today. Now. So that those moments of happiness you're waiting for don't pass you by."- Unknown
"A memory is what is left when something happens and does not completely unhappen."- Edward de Bono
"Memory... is the diary that we all carry about with us."- Oscar Wilde
"A day without laughter is a day wasted."- Unknown
"Should I smile cause were friends, or should I cry cause that's all well ever gonna be?"- Unknown
"I look at him as a friend, then I realized I loved him."- Unknown
"Best friends make eternal lovers."- Unknown
"The way is not in the sky. The way is in the heart."- Buddha
"The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost."- G.K. Chesterton
"People historically have loved the inside story. It's about secrets. People love secrets."- Peter Earnest
"To betray you must first belong."- Unknown
"Betrayal does that - betrays the betrayer."- Unknown
"Love is whatever you can still betray ... Betrayal can only happen if you love."- Unknown
"Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead."- Benjamin Franklin
"If you reveal your secrets to the wind you should not blame the wind for revealing them to the trees."- Kahlil Gibran
"Tell your friend a lie. If he keeps it secret, then tell him the truth."- Proverb
"Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company."- Mark Twain
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."- Unknown
"Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please."- Mark Twain
"We can't all be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the curb and applaud when they go by."- Will Rogers
"Villains are the ones you never see because they snicker in secret."- Unknown
"You can never go wrong with a good hero."- Unknown
"Every single moment is a coincidence."- Doug Coupland
"Why don't you laugh as I cry?"- Unknown
"Your eyes and ears may betray you, but your heart will never lie."- Unknown
"You can't spell slaughter without laughter!"- WolvenFlames
"I'm sugar, spice, and everything nice. So bite me."- IceTigress
"Be nice to dragons for you are small and go well with ketchup!"- IceTigress
"Okay. Here's my advanced critiquing. He looks a bit....damn. He's just fine all around."- Me
"Coke? I tried sniffing coke once. Didn't like it. Darned ice cubes got stuck up my nose..."- IceTigress
"Bring on the shackles, I am your prisoner."- Edward Cullen
"Currently: Suffering PWS (Pokémon Withdrawal Syndrome) as I wait for the next generation of Pokémon"- Me
"Wait! My friends need to suck on those frogs!..."- Aang
"If you're too nice, it makes you a pushover. Too rude it makes you a bitch. Can't I just be happy inbetween too nice and a little rude? Seems people notice the rudeness over all the nice things you have done. Where the hell is the balance?"- wolvenspirit13
"....Get that out of my face."
"It's not in your face, it's in my hand."
"Well then get what's in your hand out of my face."- Kingboo2
"People ask you for criticism, But what the really want is praise."- magicinlay
"Did you write the book of love? Because it sucks."- Unknown
"Anyone who doesn't take truth seriously in small matters cannot be trusted in large ones either." -Albert Einstein
"Life's a bitch, so if it is easy, you're doing it wrong"- Ao No Exorcist~
"Oh threats of Hell and Hopes of Paradise! One thing at least is certain-this life flies."- Rubaiyat
"Trust takes years to make, but only seconds to shatter..."- Unknown
"Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to."- Unknown
"Never look down on someone unless you're helping them up."- Unknown
"Don't cry for someone who won't cry for you."- Unknown
"Don't follow in my footsteps, I run into walls..."- Unknown
"First defense against evil ..... Open your damn eyes"- Reese, Forever Knight
"No one holds command over me.
No man, No god, No prince
What is a claim of age for ones who are immortal?
What is a claim of power for ones who defy death?
Call your damnable hunt.
We shall see who I drag screaming to hell with me."- Gunter Dorn, Das Ungeheuer Darin
"I was summoned to greet Death with open arms, but I was pushed aside to live forever in his shadow."- Jedidiah Knight
"Oh yes, the past can hurt. But you can either run from it, or learn from it."- Rafiki, The Lion King
"I'm not smart, I just have a good vocabulary."- DJ-Bleach
“The worst pain in the world goes beyond the physical. Even further beyond any other emotional pain one can feel. It is the betrayal of a friend.” ― Heather Brewer
“Forgiveness has nothing to do with absolving a criminal of his crime. It has everything to do with relieving oneself of the burden of being a victim--letting go of the pain and transforming oneself from victim to survivor.”― C.R. Strahan
We all want to be extraordinary
and we all just want to fit in.
Unfortunately, extraordinary people rarely fit in.”― Sebastyne Young
“So this was betrayal. It was like being left alone in the desert at dusk without water or warmth. It left your mouth dry and will broken. It sapped your tears and made you hollow.”― Anna Godbersen
“Every artist was first an amateur.”― Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You." -Dr. Seuss
"I can't say 'why me?' in the bad times if I don't say 'why me?' in the good times."- Amerikat's Father
"There's no such thing as perfect, with your flaws you are beautiful and can do anything."- A piranha in a bathtub
"The wild cool1 in her natural habitat, engaging in morning washings to keep minty fresh. But look, here comes a cool2, riding behind the cool1 while engaging in spiritual punk rock rituals."- Lunacat1
"Life is a wild ride. It's like a book, and everyday is a new chapter, a new beginning."- mzfeistyx3
"HALLOWEEN: That one time of year you can cosplay without being labeled as a freak."- Me
"Smile. It irritates those who wish to destroy you."- MrAzurefeather
"Life is a piece of gum, that kind you never want to spit out, even if it gets old, it must be treasured until that day finally comes when that gum falls, when it's gone for good."- Calyypso
"Shit is basically flying off the hook. It's like shit wants nothing to do with that hook. The hook filed for divorce from that shit and is now seeking custody of the hook and the shit's two kids."- Wyethcat
"YOU GOT THE BOSS KEY - GOD DAMMIT!!!"- Chuggaaconroy
"Moscow, Moscow, I don't know the freakin words, I don't know the freakin words, HAHAHA, Hey!"- Chuggaaconroy
"Badass never looked so cute!"- Chuggaaconroy
"Sweet baby Jesus flipping Christ almighty on a pogo stick!"- Chuggaaconroy
"Lollipops improve dung dexterity."- ketchupflavoredlove
"Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light."- Unknown
"I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you."- Friedrich Nietzsche
"I don't own the characters. I attach strings to them and shout, 'Dance marionettes! Dance for my pleasure!'"- Ink Runs Through My Veins
"You know, it doesn't matter if we find our way again, because I keep getting lost in your eyes."- Garry
"Tristan blinked, unsure of what to say. He didn't want to hurt her feelings, if this was some new trend. He'd never understood fashion and makeup. To him, the simpler the better--he wanted to see the real girl. As his old friend Gary used to say: What's better than naked?"- Tristan, Everlasting: A Kissed by an Angel novel
"Just sock him in the dick and run."- SkyTheKidRS
"I don't know what corporeal means, but based on the context you're giving me, you're wrong."- Jontron
"I don't hate you. Hating requires caring. I just don't care."- Unknown
"So remember kids, before decking the halls, cover up and protect your balls."- Sohonki
We are all a little weird, and life's a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love."- Dr. Seuss
If school isn't the place to sleep, then home isn't the place to study."- Some Guy on iFunny
"How the fuck do people do this shit? I tried to draw a tree yesterday and got so angry I had to lay down and count to 10."- Mattelliot1234
"A deer wandered into my yard. It stopped to watch my neighbor's little dog. My cat stopped to watch the deer. I stopped to watch my cat."- Some Guy on iFunny
"If nothing is going as planned, go straight to sleep."- iFunnyLifeHacks
"I told my wife I wanted to try anal sex. She said she's been having sex with and asshole for years."- Some Guy on iFunny
"I have a boyfriend. Oh, wait, no. No, that's a fridge. I have a fridge."- Some Guy on iFunny
"No Girlfriend November was a success. No for Don't Date December, Just Me January, Forever alone February, No Match March...I got this."- Fill Werrell
"We all have that one friend who needs to learn how to whisper."- Some Guy on iFunny
"IF YOU FUCKING THINK that I can't balance 6 CLASSES, EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITIES, A SOCIAL LIFE & SLEEP, THEN YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY right because I have a mental breakdown literally every day."- rnumblr
"When I was in high school, I went to my mom one day after school and said, 'Mom, I want to build an atom smasher. I want to build a 2.3 million electron-volt betatron in a garage.' And my mom sort of stared at me and said, 'Sure, why not?'"- Some Guy on iFunny
"Friendship is weird. You pick a human you've met, and you're like, 'Yup, I like this one,' then you just do stuff with them."- Some Guy on iFunny
"My apartment building is so safe. My landlord even installed security cameras in my shower."- Some Woman on Some TV Show
"Excuse me, but can you watch your language? There are children present, you dumb fuck."- Some Guy on iFunny
"I've never skydived, but once I zoomed in on google maps really quickly."- Some Guy on Tumblr
"When throwing a punch, clench your fist at the last second. You loose a lot of power clenching through the swing."- LifeHacks
"What a crappy year. People used to imagine that 2012 would be full of cars, but all we got were blankets with sleeves."- Not Will Ferrell
"The more I find out about people, the more I like my dog."- Mark Twain
"Knowledge cannot replace friendship. I'd rather be an idiot than lose you."- Patrick Star
"Some guy knocked on my front door asking for a small donation for the local pool; I gave him a glass of water."- Will Ferrell Parody
"When I was a kid, vampires and werewolves were scary. Now everybody wants to date them..."- Not Will Ferrell
"I'm so athletic. I surf...the internet."- So-relatable Tumblr Posts
"People are always like, 'Why do you look so emotionless when you walk through the hallways,' at school, but I don't understand what they expect me when I walk to class, like, am I supposed to smile and skip around tossing flowers to everyone I walk by?"- Some Guy on Tumblr
"Everyday, I fall in love with you more and more. Except yesterday. Yesterday you were pretty fucking annoying."- so-relatable.tumblr.com
"Why are scary movies always in creepy places like jails and hospitals? I want a scary movie in Wal-Mart. 'Clean up in aisle 13.''But, Sir, there is no aisle 13...' (Dramatic music)"- Some Guy on iFunny
"The problem is not the problem; the problem is your attitude of the problem."- Captain Jack Sparrow
"I thought maybe we could make gingerbread houses, and eat cookie dough, and go ice-skating and maybe even hold hands."- Elf
"Santa, for 2013, I want a fat bank account and a skinny body. Let's try not to mix it up like last year, okay?"- Some Guy on iFunny
"Let me know when you're available to chat again. I can make sure my phone is off."- Some Guy on iFunny
If gas gets any higher, I'm cutting a hole through the bottom of my car and Flinstoning this bitch."- Unknown
"Truck drivers are always communicating with each other. If you see one of them slowing down, there's probably a cop up ahead."- Some Guy on iFunny
"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."- Dr.Seuss
"Do you buy your pants for sale? Because at my house they would be 100% off."- Some Guy on iFunny
"That awkward moment when the world doesn't end and you haven't bought any Christmas presents."- Will Ferrell Parody
"you know you're good friends when you don't feel the need to clean up before you come over."- Some Guy on iFunny
"I saw a unicorn today. Okay, it was a girl you ate her food without instagramming in first. Same thing."- Ratchet Truth
"Dear Youtube, I can deal with Ads. I can deal with Buffer. But when Ads Buffer, I suffer."- Funny Tweets
"If you see me smiling on a Monday, then you'll know that an alien has killed me and it's wearing my skin as a disguise."- Some Guy on iFunny
"Who else has 2+ years of a foreign language and still has no idea how to speak it?"- Will Ferrell Parody
"You remind me of my Asian friend...Ug Lee."- Some Guy on iFunny
"Someone at school called me fat because I was eating chips in math class, so I looked at them, then to my bag of chips, then poured the rest of the bag in my mouth, and without breaking eye contact, pulled out another bag from my backpack and kept eating."- riksaserket
"I'm literally my own best friend, like, I have inside jokes with myself then start laughing out loud at how funny I am."- headmaster
"There are 1,876,111,454,239 people who are so lazy that they didn't even read that number."- Some Guy on iFunny
"They count every single vote in AMERICA in a day, and it takes my teacher, like, three weeks to scan 25 scantrons."- Some Guy on Twitter
"Music is the voice of your life. Your experience. Your thoughts. Your wisdom. If your music has no story, it is merely sound."- Unknown
"Madonna is 55, her boyfriend is 22. Tina Turner is 75, her boyfriend is 40. JLo is 42, her boyfriend is 26. Still single? Relax. Your boyfriend may not have been born yet."- Unknown
"A common term used for describing those with a disability is usually 'different'. But if every individual in this world is unique and different, what makes them any different to us? "- Unknown
"Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, 'Where the heck is the ceiling?'"- Unknown
"The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory."- Unknown
"The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think."- Unknown
"There are no stupid questions, just stupid people."- Unknown
"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams
"The road to success is always under construction."- Unknown
"If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button."- Unknown
"Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film."- Unknown
"Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings."- Unknown
"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ..."- Louis Hector Berlioz
"What you call dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come."- Unknown
"Duck tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together."- Unknown
"Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked to, but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!"- Unknown
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."- Unknown
"If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?"- Unknown
"I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places."- Henny Youngman
"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."- Unknown
"Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? I could've eaten Alphabits and crapped out a better essay!"- Unknown
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."- Mark Twain
"Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil."- Unknown
"Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from."- Unknown
"You laugh because I'm different...I laugh cause I just farted!"- Unknown
"Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light?'"- Unknown
"He who laughs last didn't get it."- Unknown
"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain."- Lily Tomlin
"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try.'"- Homer Simpson
"The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on."- Robert Bloch
"What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?"- Unknown
"Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river."- Unknown
"There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot."- Unknown
"There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?"- Unknown
"There are three sides of an arguement -- your side, my side and the right side."- Unknown
"Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!"- Unknown
"Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?"- Unknown
"What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'"- Unknown
"Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world."- Unknown
"You know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark?"- Unknown
"I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers."- Unknown
"It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives."- Unknown
"Only two things are infinite, human stupidity, and the universe... And I'm not even sure about the latter."- Albert Einstein
"Grammar is important. Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse."- Unknown
"There's a very fine line between not listening and not caring. I like to think that I walk that line every day of my life."- Unknown
"I don't understand a word you're going on about, but I know exactly what you're saying and I refuse to apologize."- Unknown
"Nope, no matter how bad things seem, they can't be any better, and they can't be any worse, because that's the way things fucking are, and you better get used to it, Nancy. Quit yer bitching."- Unknown
"I have a first place ribbon in doing nothing, it's the same color as last place... It's purple."- Unknown
"We're both of the same breed, after all...Motives for war are not of concern. Religion, ideology, resources, land, spite, love, or just because...no matter how pathetic the reason, it's enough to start war."- Pein
"We are but men, drawn to act in the name of revenge we deem to be 'Justice.' But when we call our vengeance 'Justice,' it only breeds more revenge...forging the first link in the chains of hatred."- Pein
"My days are backwards. I wake up tired and go to bed wide awake."- Some Guy on iFunny
"We need a universal signal for, 'My parents don't know about that.'"- amysfall
"Boy: Wanna come over?
Girl: Yes! What do you want to do?
Boy: It involves pillows and blankets.
Girl: OMG, WE'RE GONNA BUILD A FORT?"- Funny Tweets
"Apparantly when you're in an interview and the interviewer asks you to choose one word to describe yourself, the correct answer is not 'Fergalicious.'"- thisismyveritas
"Ballons are so weird...'Happy Birthday! Here's a sac of my breath.'"- Some Guy on iFunny
"4 horrible facts: Today is not Friday. Tomorrow is not Friday. The day after tomorrow is not Friday. Even the day after that is not Friday."- Fill Werrell
"Me: Mom, Dad, I've decided to live on my own.
Them: Okay, cool.
Me: Your luggage is outside."- Not Will Ferrell
"I get awkward when someone compliments me and I don't know what to say. Them: You look good today. Me: Happy Birthday."- College Humor
"I don't understand how random strangers tell me I'm pretty, but at school people stay away from me as if I were a deadly disease."- Random Quotes
"The human brain is amazing. It functions 24/7 from the time we were born and only stops when we take tests."- Some Guy on iFunny
"If you accidently make eye contact with someone around the room that means they want to have a pokemon battle with you."- psychological fact
"You wouldn't like me when I'm angry...Because I always back up my rage with facts and documented resources."- The Credilble Hulk
"I work at the post office. And my check got lost in the mail. Go figure."- Somme Guy on Facebook
"Dude, sucking at something is the first step to being sorta good at something."- Jake from Adventure Time
"Mario! And...Mr. Green Mario Brother Guy! Look alive down there, will you two?"- Some Mario Guy From Some Mario Game
"Everytime I spray cologne, I spray it in the air and jump through it like a fucking fairy."- Some Guy on iFunny
"No one has ever believed in me as much as the guy who greets you at every pokemon gym."- barabait
"On a first date, I refuse to order a salad. I'm going to order a big juicy bacon cheese burger and fries. If you don't like it, then you can suck my lady nuts."- Some Guy on iFunny
"In the future, I'll tell my grandkids I'm older than the internet and blow their minds forever."- Some Guy on iFunny
"If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side."- Stuart Turner
"I'm no hero. I put my bra on one boob at a time like everyone else."- Tina Belcher
"Target made my night. All the other wrapping paper is gone except for the Beiber print. It just feels so good..."- Some Guy on iFunny
"I don't friendzone people, I relationshipzone them. You wanna be my friend? Too bad, we're dating."- Some Guy on iFunny
"I will not sleep until I find a cure for my insomnia."- One America
"Yeah, it is scary [love]. It's terrifying. Especially when I'm in love with a psycho like you.""I am not a psycho!""I just told you that I love you and all you heard was 'psycho.'"- Unknown
"Let me explain why I like to pay taxes for schools even though I personally don't have a kid: I don't like living in a country with a bunch of stupid people."- John Green
"I hope one day I love something the way women in commercials love yogurt."- Some Guy on iFunny
"I don't think you realize the importance of commas. There's a difference between 'Put that in, Lightning.' and 'Put that in Lightning.'"- Me
"There are no good girls gone wrong - just bad girls found out." - Mae West
"I don’t want to be a movie star. I want to be in movies that are stars." — Harrison Ford
"People think being remembered most for one character is a negative thing, but I don’t. I never expected to be remembered for anything!" — Mark Hamill
"People are still asking me if I knew that Star Wars was going to be that big of a hit. Yes, we all knew. The only one who didn’t know was George.” — Carrie Fisher
“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.”- Bob Marley
"I fight with my mind. My hands and my weapons are extensions of my will."- gamersdaily
"On my tombstone please write: Not appreciating my puns when I was alive was a grave mistake."- sadnessandpuns
"Religion is like a penis. It's fine to have one. It's fine to be proud of it. But please don't whip it out in public and start waving it around. And PLEASE don't try to shove it down my children's throats."- Unknown
"Can we cuddle? In just our underwear, so our skin can touch? Can I hold you while you wrap yourself around me? I’ll play with your hair and drag my fingertips across your skin. I’ll peck at your neck while you giggle and tell me to stop. I’ll start nibbling on your neck a bit harder. You’ll watch in horror as i transform into a great white shark. I’ll then proceed to bite down on your body with my monster jaws and rip you apart. Delicious."- waua
"I hate teachers who give homework over break, like, do you not understand what a break is? Do you want me to demonstrate on your neck?"- nue
"Single in the womb, single till the tomb."- criysto
"When the state of Ohio found two sixteen-year-old boys guilty of raping a sixteen-year-old girl both boys cried their eyes out moments after the verdict. Every major media news outlet coddled them instead of the girl they raped. CNN was grieving over the death of their futures in football. They said nothing of the cemetery growing inside the body of the girl. Nothing of the graveyard where she will bury her trust in men. Rape culture is the worst kind of teacher our kids are the most learning from. It teaches women that it is their responsibility to not get raped. It teaches men that boys will be boys. It teaches us that a short skirt and a smile is asking for it. It teaches us that it's not wrong unless someone comes to the rescue."- Terisa Siagatonu & Rudy Francisco
"My birthday is tomorrow. If you were thinking of getting me a gift, might I suggest that you give me all your credit card information?"- sadnessandpuns
"Where Your Wildest Fantasies Meet Your Deepest Disappointment."- sadnessandpuns
"There's this myth that nice guys get put in the friendzone simply for being nice, but that's not the case. Friends get put in the friendzone because they're being VERY FRIENDLY. Dude, the world doesn't owe you SHIT for being nice, and GIRLS CERTAINLY DON'T EITHER. You're SUPPOSED to be nice to people. You don't get a cookie for doing stuff that you should be doing anyway."- the1janitor
" Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results."- Albert Einstein
|15 Things to do when your in Walmart!|
1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone," 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
10. Dart around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look"
12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.."NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"
14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
15.Grap a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go"
Friends & Best Friends
FRIENDS: Never ask anything to eat or drink
BESTFRIENDS: Help themselves and is the reason you never have any food
FREINDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs. and grandma and grandpa
BESTFRIENDS: Call your parents MOM and DAD GRAMS AND GRANDPA
FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail
BESTFRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying DAM we really messed up
FRIENDS: Never seen you cry
BESTFRIENDS: Wont tell anyone else you cry... just laugh about it when your not down anymore
FRIENDS: Ask you to write down you number
BESTFRIENDS: Has you on speed dial
FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff and gives it back a few days later
BESTFRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad .. here's a tissue"
FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you
BESTFRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography about your life
FREINDS: Will leave you behind if that's what everyone else is doing
BESTFRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd asses that left you
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door
BESTFRIENDS: Would walk right in and say, "I'M HOME"
FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell
BESTFRIENDS: Already know not to tell
FRIENDS: Are through high school /college (drinking buddies)
BESTFRIENDS: Are for life
FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away when they think you've had enough
BESTFRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, "Girl, drink the rest of that, you know we don't waste."
FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."
FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.
BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"
FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.
BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.
FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.
BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"
FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.
BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.
FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.
BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.
FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.
BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "RUN, GIRL, RUN!"
FRIENDS: Will help you move.
BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.
FREINDS: Will ignore this
BESTFRIENDS: Will repost this
WAYS TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'In.'
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their coffee addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write 'For smuggling diamonds.'
7. Finish all your sentences with 'In accordance with the prophecy.'
8. Don't use any punctuation.
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is 'To go.'
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask 'Why don't the poems rhyme?'
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your co-workers address your by your wrestling name.
17. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream 'I won!! I won!!'
18. When leaving the zoo, starting running towards the parking lot yelling 'Run for your lives, they're loose!'
19. Tell your children (or someone) over dinner, 'Due to the economy, we're going to have to let one of you go.'
Fun things to do on an elevator: Try them today, kids!
1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18) DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22)WHEN you get inside jump on everyone there.
THE MAN RULES
It's simply hilarious. Oh, and I didn't write this, by the way. I have no idea who did. I'm not a guy, either.
ALL OF THEM ARE NUMBERED ONE JUST BECAUSE.
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials..
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or motor sports
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, They are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOUR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. my mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
--The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE . God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
--The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."
--One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
--A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
On a Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping. (that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos!
..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)
On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...)
On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
On T-Rat (Military food):
Its not for Human Consumption, Animals and Military Use only... (Ummm yeah... isn't military also human)
Note to self x100:
1. Do not introduce self as roleplaying character in public.
2. Do not talk to fictional characters in public.
3. Do not answer fictional characters in public.
4. Do not talk to inanimate objects in public.
5. Do not go out in public.
6. Disregard above note. Perform numbers 1 to 4.
7. Note expressions.
8. Don't die alone. Take many people with you.
9. Floor is slippery when wet.
10. Lake is slippery when dry.
11. Only talk to strangers you know.
12. Strangers you don't know are spies... Kill them all.
13. For legal purposes be sure to delete above note.
14. Tell people about the spies that are trying to kill you.
15. Kill them for security purposes.
16. Crying does not solve anything. Try violent mood swings.
17. Make a scene whenever humanly possible.
18. The men in white coats are not your friends.
19. Ask them for a room with lots of sharp, pointy objects.
20. When that doesn't work, ask for a designer jacket.
21. Chicken soup, although good for colds, is not the best cure for drowning.
22. Flammable and inflammable mean the same thing.
23. Unlike fine wine, milk does not get better with age.
24. Always remember, um... um... Damn.
25. Train army of flying monkeys.
26. Goldfish don't like milk.
27. Do not maim people. If you already have, kill them to avoid lawsuits.
28. Find out who invented the word "pianist".
29. People are staring at you.
30. So act insane.
31. People are weird, but not as weird as me.
32. Do not taunt animals at zoo. They have feelings... And teeth.
33. Little people are aggressive. Stay away from little people.
34. Going through other people's stuff is a bonding experiance. Do this as much as possible.
35. You'll sometimes notice shadows late at night. Don't worry. It's only me... Bonding.
36. Never pet a burning dog.
37. Never make eye contact with a naked man. Especially if you are wearing a parka.
38. Naked men dig parkas.
39. Beware the naked man who offers you his parka.
40. You know what would look good on you?
41. Immolated cockroaches.
42. Don't worry. It's only a harmless pimento bug.
43. The size of Danny DeVito.
44. Making an amusing facial expression. Like this.
45. Numbers are evil. Count in clovers.
46. Stalking is fun. Do it more.
47. Make a large sign saying, "Look at me, I'm a gumnut tree!"
48. No matter what anyone says, there is a way to get to your fantasy world.
49. That way is rum.
50. Constipated people don't give a shit.
52. You cannot kill the snow.
53. The snow can kill you.
54. Grass can also kill you.
55. The leprechaun on the cereal box said I can't get his lucky charms...
56. Catch and castrate leprechaun.
57. HE is real... No matter what the men in white coats say.
58. Staple paper in the middle of the page.
59. In case of blank looks, laugh maniacally.
60. You are not haxxor l337 or an uberhacker or anything like that.
61. Pretend to be so around teh n00bs.
62. Do not go out with voice #7. He is a sadistic, soul sucking demon.
63. Disregard last note. Go out with demon. Who needs a soul anyway?
64. Ask Senior Diablo for a bigger pitchfork.
65. Remember to kill HIM...
66. Tell the small children in Toys 'R' Us that the dolls have an insatiable thirst for blood.
67. Note reactions. Avoid parents.
68. The blood of infants gives unholy superpowers according to Jhonen C. Vasquez. Test theory.
69. Scream, the doctors don't like it, they'll give you a shot of something nice.
70. Hide the bodies, otherwise peole ask embarressing questions.
71. Eat the evidence.
72. But not if it's broken glass.
73. When in the presence of someone much wiser than you, point in a random direction and yell, "Look, a distraction!" Then run.
74. Do not tell children that Santa is fat because he eats kids.
75. Disregard last note.
76. Note reactions.
77. On average, 100 people choke to death on ball point pens every year.
78. Stock up on ball point pens.
79. Learn to fly. Tell no one.
80. The secret to flying is throwing yourself at the ground and missing.
81. Do not stick fingers into blender.
82. Blender... Bad... Ouch.
83. Blood loss is bad.
84. Find way to re-attatch fingers.
85. Scream as much as humanly possible at 2AM.
86. Answer every question with a question.
87. Ask people what gender they are.
88. Note reactions.
89. Refer to people as "mortal".
90. The Seagull From Hell is out to get me.
91. Kill all enemies in most disturbing way possible.
92. Start by drowning them in fire ants.
93. Find the creators of pop-up messages.
94. Kill them.
96. Teachers don't like finding notes on world domination.
97. Dunk head in boiling water.
98. Disregard last note. Was written by Voice #7.
99. Gullible IS written on the ceiling!
100. Investigate this whole "critical mass" thing when the klaxon dies down...
What to Do During an Exam
1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.
7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Screw this!" and walk out triumphantly.
14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go ice skating.)
15. Show up completely insane (completely insane means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.
20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice. (I would never do that.)
21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.
23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.
24. Act spazzy
25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the heck are you? Where's the regular guy?"
26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!
27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kai.
30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
31. In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher asks what's going on, calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to him/her.
32. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
33. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E..."
34. Fake an heart attack. When interrupted, apologize, and explain that question #_ moved you, deeply.
35. Wear a superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!!". rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. Strike a pose first for added effect.
36. Tailgate outside the classroom before the exam.
37. If your answers are on a scan tron sheet, fill it out in pen.
38. Bring a giant cockroach into the room and release it on a girly-girl nearby.
39. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.
40. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your pencil. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour.
41. Make Strange noises... get people to stare... look at the person next to you as if he/she did it.
42. Dress like the professor.
44. Use Invisible Ink to answer the whole exam.
45. Order catering. The catering company should come in about halfway through the test, and should include at least three waiters, eight carts of food, and five candelabras.
20 WAYS TO CONFUSE TRICK-OR-TREATERS
1. Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls, bags of sand, etc.)
2. Wait behind the door until some people come. When they get near the door, jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag, and yell, "Trick or Treat!" Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.
3. Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it, "Top Secret" in big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously, say, "It's about time you got here," give them the briefcase, and quickly shut the door.
4. Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or-treaters come to the door, say, "Come in." When they do, have everyone yell, "Surprise!" Act like it's a surprise party.
5. Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can figure out what's wrong with your dishwasher. Insist that it makes an unnatural "whirring" sound.
6. After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a bill.
7. Open the door dressed as a giant fish. Immediately collapse, and don't move or say anything until the trick-or-treaters go away.
8. When you answer the door, hold up one candy bar, throw it out into the street, and yell, "Crawl for it!"
9. When you answer the door, look at the trick-or-treaters, act shocked and scared, and start screaming your head off. Slam the door and run around the house, screaming until they go away.
10. Insist that the trick-or-treaters each do ten push-ups before you give them any candy.
11. Hand out menus to the trick-or-treaters and let them order their candy. Keep asking if anyone wants to see the wine list.
12. Get a catapult. Sit on your porch and catapult pumpkins at anyone who comes within 50 yards of your house.
13. When people come to the door, jump out a nearby window, crashing through the glass, and run as far away from your house as you can.
14. Answer the door dressed as a pilgrim. Stare at the trick-or-treaters for a moment, pretend to be confused, and start flipping through a calendar.
15. Instead of candy, give away coloured eggs. If anyone protests, explain that the eggs are the only thing you had left over from Easter.
16. Answer the door dressed as a dentist. Angrily give the trick-or-treaters a two-hour lecture on tooth decay.
17. Answer the door with a mouthful of M & M's and several half-eaten candy bars in your hands. Act surprised, and close the door. Open it again in a few seconds, and insist that you don't have any candy.
18. Hand out cigarettes and bottles of aspirin.
19. Put a crown on a pumpkin and put the pumpkin on a throne on your porch. Insist that all of the trick-or-treaters bow before the pumpkin.
20. Dress up like a bunny rabbit. Yell and curse from the moment you open the door, and angrily throw the candy at the trick-or-treaters. Slam the door when you're finished.
Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together.
Woman: Really, I'd put F and U together.
Man: Your eyes, they're amazing.
Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.
Man: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Woman: Did it hurt when you were dropped on your head repeatedly as a baby?
Man: Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to plant you right here!
Woman: Really? I have the incredible urge to plant my foot up your ass.
Man: Roses are red, bananas are yellow, wanna go out with a charming fellow?
Woman: Roses are red, some diamonds are blue, pickup lines are dead and you're so not cute.
Man: If I followed you home would you keep me?
Woman: More like call the police.
Man: What's that in your eye? Oh, I guess it was just a twinkle.
Woman: What that on your face? Oh wait, that is your face!
Man: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first!
Woman: Are you saying you pick your boogers?
Man: Were you arrested earlier? Because it must be illegal to look that good.
Woman: Were you arrested earlier? Because it must be illegal to look that bad. Or be that stupid.
Man: If you stood up in front of a mirror with 11 roses, you would see 12 beautiful things
Woman: If you stood up in front of a mirror, it would break.
Man: How about you and I go out tonight?
Woman: Sorry, I'm going to be busy repeatedly hitting myself with a hammer, which is what I would rather do than be with you.
Man: Rejection can cause cancer, so just say yes for your health!
Woman: I'll take the cancer.
Man: Cupid called! He needs my heart back.
Woman: Your town called. They need their idiot back.
Man: I saw a rose this morning. I thought it was the most beautiful thing until I saw you.
Woman: I saw a door nob this morning. I thought it was smarter than you. Turns out I was right.
Man: Excuse me, I think I dropped my jaw looking at you.
Woman: I think you've lost something too. Your mind.
Man: If I had a dollar for every time I saw something as beautiful as you, I'd have a dollar.
Woman: If I had a dollar for every time I saw someone as stupid as you, I'd have a dollar too.
Man: Do you want to go out sometime?
Woman: Sorry I can't hear you. I don't speak idiot.
Man: You sure look fantastic today! Good enough to go out with me!
Woman: Too bad I can't say the same for you.
Man: Is it hot in here or is that just me?
Woman: No, that's me. But as I walk away now it'll get much colder.
Man: You know you want me!
Woman: You're right! I want you to leave.
Man: In the cookies of my life, you are the chocolate chips.
Woman: In the cookies of my life, you are the annoying burnt part that wont go away.
Man: The shortest word for me is I, the sweetest word for me is LOVE, but the only word for me is YOU
Woman: Love is also the longest word you know isn't it?
Man: I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Then please leave me alone.
Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
Man: I'd go through anything for you.
Woman: Good! Let's start with your bank account.
Man: Haven't we met before?
Woman: Perhaps. I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.
Man: Roses are red, violets are blue, you are so sweet, and I love you!
Woman: Tomatoes are red, ashes are black, go to hell, and never come back.
Man: Can I buy you a drink?
Woman: Actually, I'd rather have the money.
Man: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
Woman: Sorry, I'm having a headache this weekend.
Man: Go on. Don't be shy. Ask me out.
Woman: Okay. Get out.
Man: I think I could make you very happy.
Woman: Why? Are you leaving?
Man: Shall we go see a movie?
Woman: I've already seen it.
Man: Did it hurt?
Women: Seeing your face? Yes, yes it did.
Tips on love:
When a girl is quiet, a million things are running through her mind.
When a girl is not arguing, she is thinking deeply.
When a girl looks at you with her eyes full of question, she is wondering how long you will be around.
When a girl answers "I'm fine." after a few seconds, she is not fine at all.
When a girl stares at you, she is wondering why you are lying.
When a girl rests her head on your chest, she is wishing for you to be hers forever.
When a girl wants to see you everday, she wants to be pampered.
When a girl says "I love you." she means it.
When a girl says "I miss you." nobody could miss you more than that.
Life only comes around once, so make sure you spend it with the right person.
Find the guy that calls you beautiful instead of hot;
Who calls you back when you hang up on him;
Who'll lay under the stars for hours and listen to your heart beat;
Or will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the guy that kisses your forehead;
Who keeps your picture in his wallet;
Who wants to show you off to the world even when you're in sweatpants;
Who holds your hand in front of all his friends;
Who thinks you're beautiful without makeup;
Who constantly tells you of how much he cares and how he's lucky to have you;
The one who turns to his friends and says "THATS HER!"
What a Boyfriend SHOULD do:
When she walks away from you mad
When she stares at your mouth
When she pushes you or hits you
Grab her and don't let go
When she starts cussing at you
Kiss her and tell her you love her
When she's quiet
Ask her whats wrong
When she ignores you
Give her your attention
When she pulls away
Pull her back
When you see her at her worst
Tell her she's beautiful
When you see her start crying
Just hold her and don't say a word
When you see her walking
Sneak up and hug her waist from behind
When she's scared
When she lays her head on your shoulder
Tilt her head up and kiss her
When she steals your favorite hat
Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night
When she teases you
Tease her back and make her laugh
When she doesn't answer for a long time
Reassure her that everything is okay
When she looks at you with doubt
Back yourself up
When she says that she likes you
she really does more than you could understand
When she grabs at your hands
Hold hers and play with her fingers
When she bumps into you
bump into her back and make her laugh
When she tells you a secret
keep it safe and untold
When she looks at you in your eyes
don't look away until she does
When she misses you
she's hurting inside
When you break her heart
the pain never really goes away
When she says its over
she still wants you to be hers
Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything.-
When she says she's ok don't believe it, talk with her- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you-
Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her-
Treat her like she's all that matters to you.-
Stay up all night with her when she's sick.-
Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.-
Give her the world.-
Let her wear your clothes.-
When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.-
Let her know she's important.-
Kiss her in the pouring rain.-
When she runs up to you crying, the first thing you say is;
"Who's butt am I kicking?"
If someone insults you say 'How sweet thanks for noticing' and walk away
If someone says you'll die old and alone say 'No I won't I'll have my cats'
If you're not as pretty as the most popular girl in school her beauty is only skin deep yours is on the inside that's where it counts
If you'd rather read then party GREAT
If you like to jump in rain puddles and don't care about your clothes you're not alone
If you're a geek scream it from the roof tops
If you're a nerd be proud of your brain and if you're a jerk... well you get the point
Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit a bit harder
BEST COMEBACKS IN HISTORY
Calvin Coolidge vs. Some Random Lady at White House Dinner:
"Woman: Mr. Coolidge, I've made a bet against some fellow who said it was impossible to get more than two words out of you.
Calvin Coolidge: You lose."
Muhammad Ali vs. Joe Frazier:
"Frazier: He's phony. Using his blackness to get his way.
Ali: Frazier is so ugly he should donate his face to the US Bureau of Wildlife."
Winston Churchill vs. A Member of Parliament:
"MP: Mr.Winston, must you fall asleep while I'm speaking?
Churchill: No, it's purely voluntary."
Winston Churchill vs. Bessie Braddock:
"Bessie Braddock: Winston, you are drunk!
Winston: You're right, Bessie. And you're ugly. But tomorrow morning, I'll be sober. And you'll still be ugly."
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart vs. An Admirer:
"Admirer: Herr Mozart, I am thinking of writing symphonies. Can you give me any suggestions as to how to get started?
Mozart: A symphony is a very complex musical form. Perhaps you should begin with some simple lieder and work your way up to a symphony.
Admirer: But Herr Mozart, you've been writing symphonies when you were 8.
Mozart: Yes, but I never asked anybody how."
Thomas Reed vs. Henry Clay:
"Clay: I would rather be right than be president.
Reed: The gentleman need not trouble himself. He'll never be either."
John Barrymore vs. A Woman in the Ladies' Room:
"(Barrymore was drunkenly urinating in the wrong bathroom, and turned around to face his accuser. Penis in hand.)
Woman:How dare you! This is for the ladies!
Barrymore: And so, madam, is this."
Reverend Edward Everett Hale vs. US Senate:
"(When asked if he prayed for the senators.)
Hale: No. I look at the senators and pray for the country."
Senator Fritz Hollings vs. Henry McMastor:
"(When challenged by his Republican opponent during a televised debate to take a drug test.)
Hollings: I'll take a drug test, if you'll take an IQ test."
Dorothy Parker vs. New York Times Editor Harold Ross:
"(Parker had been on her honeymoon, when Harold Ross interrupted her to ask why she was late with a book review.)
Parker: I'm too fucking busy, and vice versa."
Oscar Wilde vs. Lewis Morris:
Morris: There's a conspiracy against me, a conspiracy of silence; but what can one do? What should I do?
Wilde: Join it."
You can call me Blaz c:
☑ Forever Alone IRL
Azure eyes shimmered at the sight of You.
"Yes?", she smiled.
Your heart fluttered, that smile...
You took out the dress from behind your back.
Her smile dropped.
"It's pretty, just like you, so you should put it on-"
"Run. I'll. Give. You. Two. Seconds."
You clutched the dress and ran. -Based off RagingDragonair's fanfic, Every Age Idiots
A letter to the boy I love:
Unless you're doing something already, we should hang out. You wanna know why? Because....
My instincts tell me you lost your game at Mario Kart.
By the way, you and the other guys made me a PokéNerd. Thanks.
And I really miss our friendship, along with the other guys.
Seriously, dude. Not cool.
So, I thought that all of us should go out for lunch, and catch up.
If I don't get an invitation soon, I will haunt you. I swear, you'd rather be haunted by a ghost.
Let me repeat this again, let's all go and get a table at McDonalds or something.
Or else I will be the nightmare that crushes your dreams.
Very scary thought. Especially when I'm on my period.
Either you do that, or I will make your life hell, and neither of us want that, right?
You need this to be GRILLED. INTO. YOUR. HEAD. Okay?
Oh, and I hope you remember me, or else this will be very confusing.
Useless as always, Blaz
By the way, there's a hidden message in here that's REALLY important. Figure it out. - Based off rdy2rokGURL's fanfic, Just a Sprinkle of Craziness
another word for a spaz.
NOTE: a dingus is NOT a stupid person, because a dingus is someone who can make you laugh by doing stupid THINGS, but they are not stupid people. a stupid person is an idiot. idiot and dingus are different.
A person who is exceptionally goofy or awkward in nature, but in an endearing and lovable way
ಠ‿ಠ The Table
(╬ ಠ益ಠ) BACK!
┬──┬ ノ( ゜^゜ノ) sorry
ヽ(゜∇゜)ノ Eeeeyyyy sexy laaaaaadyyyy
(☞ﾟ∀ﾟ)☞ Oppa Gangnam Style
<) ) All the single ladies
( (> All the single ladies
<) ) Oh oh oh
╠╬╬ Who ate a piece of my fucking chocolate?
the this cat
the is cat
the how cat
the you cat
the keep cat
the an cat
the idiot cat
the busy cat
read without "cat" and "the".
(⦿‿⦿✿)You'll notice me soon Senpai, it's only a matter of time.(✿⦿‿⦿)
(Some of these copy and pastes are from fanfiction, so not to confuse you. u_u)
Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, IwuvMyKenshyPoo, Heidiplease, iNsOmNiAc BiLlIe JoE lOvEr, Black Panther Warrior, kailover 2006, Iluvbeyblade, Lamanth, AnimeGirl329, Sharpiequeen666, Contestshipper, uchihakiriko,beautifly-soul,DawnzNo1, 0x Emo Contestshipper x0, aqua-dragon28, PokespeBlazey
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile.
98 percent of authors confuse "you're" and "your". If you're one of the 2 percent who knows how to tell them apart, copy and paste this into your profile
If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile
I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Harry Potter or Maximum Ride, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things.
Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone Iheartjake, TeamJacob101, Boysareadrag, The Dawn Is Breaking, twilite addict, The Lonely Teenager, AliceDaSpaz, Skittle.Rocke, Silent_Broken_Heart, St. Fang of Boredom,rainbowstrike, iKate, fangalicous08, FangsTrashcanOfDoom, LukexThaliaxFan23, charn14, allyouneedislove1797, DemigodWitch96, blackthunder whitefire, Blue.Archer.18, TheShippingMaster, PokespeBlazey
You say Edward, I say Green
You say Bella, I say Blue
You say Jacob, I say Red
You say Washington, I say Japan
You say Vampires, I say PoKéMoN
You say "How Romantic", I say,"I CHOOSE YOU!"
add this to your profile if you LOVE PoKéMoN
All the other girls wanted to be ballerinas i just wanted to be a pokemon master. Put this on your page if your a girl and you love PoKéMoN!
Spread the Stupidity
Only in America ...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America ...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Only in America ...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America ...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America ...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America ...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
Only in America ... ...do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
EVER WONDER ...
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.
98 of the internet population has a Myspace. If you're part of the 2 that can resist stupid fads, copy and paste this into your profile.
96 percent of teenagers are obsessed with being normal and fitting in. If you are part of the 4 percent who say "Stuff you. I am who I am." then put this on your profile for the world to see
99.8 of anime fans are obsessing over Naruto. If you are the last few of the clan who can think up three better animes than this, paste this on your profile. Sorry Naruto fans.
If you would absolutely love waking up in a different dimension full of magic, put this into your profile!
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile.
If you've ever had a 'sweatdrop' moment, then put this in your profile! -.-'
If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you know a video game/book/movie/anime/manga character or weapon that need(s) to exist, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you repeatedly listen to the same song over and over again because you love it, copy/paste this to your profile
If you are against fur coats or killing animals just to look good, copy this into your profile.
If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself/ someone else, copy this into your profile
If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you read other people's profiles looking for stuff to copy and paste, well, you know the drill...
If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.
If you feel the need to read through someone's profile even when you don't know them, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever just sat somewhere for minutes infront of a tv, computer, or something else, and you had no idea what to do to keep yourself occupied copy and past this to your profile.
If you have ever walked into a room then forgot what you were doing, then started walking away and then remebered, copy this into your profile.
If you think that writing Fanfic stories is fun then copy this onto your profile!
If you're against animal cruelty (horse slaughter, bear bating, dolphin hunting, chimp slavery etc.) then copy this into your profile!
If Fanfiction/deviantART to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile
If you have ever said something that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile!
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTIAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm an ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION so I MUST be evil and have no morals
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore
I wear SKIRTS a lot so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY so I must not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A's so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I have a BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that's how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas
I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction
I'm a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude
I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and koolaid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in a BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics so I MUST be a loser
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE.. So I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent love tea and cricket and have bad teeth
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES ANIME and COMICS so I MUST be childish
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroos.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I an friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, them burst into tears at one mistake
I DON'T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems
If you can read this message, you are blessed because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all:
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling
was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.
Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it.
How to Tell if You're a Writer
-If you talk to yourself.
-If you talk to yourself about talking to yourself (i.e. ‘I wonder why I talk to myself so much?’)
-If, when you talk to yourself, you sometimes speak as if talking to another person (i.e. ‘Okay, so have you ever noticed that the word ‘deliver’ could mean removing someone’s liver?’)
-If, after uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand in awe and say, ‘Wow, this is good stuff for sugar highs!’
-If you live off of sugar and caffeine.
-If people start to notice that you tend to check your e-mail every day for a week, then suddenly disappear off the face of the planet.
-If your e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.
-If, when replying to someone else’s e-mail, you are sometimes so random that you fail to address the original message altogether.
-If you tend to collect the Bic Stics people leave lying around, kind of like picking pennies off the ground.
-If, no matter where you are in your room, you never have to so much as get up to reach a pen/pencil and paper.
-If the letters are starting to wear off on the keys of your keyboard.
-If people think you might have A.D.D.
-If you think it’d be cool to have A.D.D.
-If you start constantly talking in third person, past tense.
-If you think about making lists like this, and start giggling for no ‘apparent’ reason.
-If your friends don’t even bother to look funny at you anymore when you start giggling for no apparent reason.
-And finally, the number one way to tell if you’re a good writer: If you worship English
If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this on your profile.
If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy and paste this into your profile
( . .)
c(")(")This is bunny. Copy and paste him into your signature to help him gain world domination.
When you ASSUME you make an ASS out of U and ME.
And so the lamb fell in love with the lion
What a stupid lamb
What a sick, masochistic lion
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys dont want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
to the top
of the tree.
/ へ_＿/ /::
/ / ＼＼
ﾚ ノ ヽ_つ
| 丿 ＼ ⌒)
| | ) /
`ノ ) Lﾉ
(_／ I'm FABULOUS.
╚════════╝ and your name is? c:
────▀▄▄▀ I will eat that person
ERROR. UNABLE TO LOAD.
VIRUS DETECTED: Pokémon, Cats, Everything else
Meaning of color and your birthday!
Don 't cheat, If you are honest, this tells the truth. It's pretty good.
Write your answers on a piece of paper, and NO cheating!, The answers are at the bottom.
1. Which is your favorite color out of: red , black , blue , green , or yellow?
2. Your first initial?
3. Your month of birth?
4. Which color do you like more, black or white?
5. Name of a person of the same sex as yours.
6. Your favorite number?
7. Do you like Flying or Driving more?
8. Do you like a lake or the ocean more?
9. Write down a wish (a realistic one).
When you're done, scroll down. (Don't cheat!)
1. If you choose:
Red - You are alert and your life is full of love.
Black - You are conservative and aggressive.
Green - Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.
Blue- You are spontaneous and love, kisses and affection from the ones you love.
Yellow - You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down.
2. If your initial is:
A-K You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.
L-R You try to enjoy your life to the maximum & your love life is soon to blossom.
S-Z You like to help others and your future love life looks very good.
3. If you were born in:
Jan-Mar: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone totally unexpected.
April-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but the memories will last forever.
July-Sep: You will have a great year and will experience a major life-changing experience for the good.
Oct-Dec: Your love life will not be great, but eventually you will find your soul mate.
4. If you chose:
Black: Your life will take on a different direction, it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change.
White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it.
5. This person is your best friend.
6. This is how many close friends you have in your lifetime.
7. If you chose:
Flying: You like adventure.
Driving: You are a laid back person.
8. If you chose:
Lake: You are loyal to your friends and your lover and are very reserved.
Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.
9. This wish will come true only if you re-post this in one hour as "Meaning of color and your birthday!" and it will come true before your next birthday
Love vs. Sex
A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away. As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely. The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God? Repost this as Love vs. Sex if you truly believe in God.
There's always a [TRUTH]
behind [JUST KIDDING]
a little [EMOTION]
behind [I DON'T CARE]
a little [PAIN]
behind [IT'S OKAY]
a little [I NEED YOU]
behind [LEAVE ME ALONE]
And a lot of [WORDS]
behind [THE SILENCE]
I AM NOT A BELIEBER.
Yes, I am not a 'Belieber.' It's not because JB has been accused of being gay, because that is absolutely fine. It's not because his voice is slightly feminine. Why have I started hating him? Because:
1) He actually said that rape happens for a reason.
2) He wrote in the guest book at ANNE FRANK'S house that he 'wishes she was a Belieber'. Stuck up, much?
3) When asked to try being a vegan, he gagged and spat out a vegan steak that had been specifically ordered for him.
4) He went to a children's hostpital in England and made them clear an area for him so he didn't have to wait around the poor, sick children.
5) He attacked a photographer at that same hostpital.
6) He peed in a restuarant kitchen.
7) He faked a really bad asthma attack and made his workers cal the paramedics and once they arrived, he laughed his ass off. He could have been in jail for that.
8) He called for a car to take him to the mall, but didn't like the car's colour, so he made them go and get another one. Seriously?
9) He then went to that mall, stayed there for five minutes, and then left saying it was the shittiest mall he had visited.
10) He's banned from WaltDisneyWorld for punching Goofy.
11) Not only does he make his fans pay a ton of money to see him, he doesn't arrive at the concert until half-way past the sceduled time. ON A SCHOOL DAY.
12) He spat on an old man's face.
13) He unexpectantly turned up at a restuarant, FORCED the staff to cancel all reservations they had planned, so he could eat there in peace.
If you're not a Belieber for one of the above reasons, copy and paste this and include your name on the list: maycontestdrew, PokespeBlazey
Three blokes are working up on an outback mobile phone tower: Mongrel, Coot and Bluey.
During their descent, Coot slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Bluey says, 'Well, bugger me,someone's gotta go and tell Coot's wife.
Mongrel says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.' Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of beer.
Bluey says, 'Where'd you get the grog, Mongrel?'
'Coot's wife gave it to me,' Mongrel replies.
'That's unbelievable; you told the Missus her husband was dead and she gave you a case of beer?
'Well, not exactly', Mongrel says. 'When she answered the door, I said to her, "you must be Coot's widow."'
She said, 'You must be mistaken. I'm not a widow.'
Then I said, 'I'll betcha a case of beer you are.'
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house.
To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a
Sign on it saying: 'Free to good home.
You want it, you take it.'
For three days the fridge sat there without
anyone looking twice.
He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal.
So he changed the sign to read:
'Fridge for sale $50.'
The next day someone stole it!
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car
which is designed to cut through a seat belt
if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the car trunk.
While working at a pizza parlour I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time then said 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.
A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding... Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed. He tried a fourth time with the same result. He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace... Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.
You can't fix stupid.
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it.. Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
97/100 stupid things that I have done: Marked in bold
1. Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out.
2. Gotten your head stuck between the stair rails.
3. Broken a chair by leaning back in it.
4. Had gum fall out of your mouth while you were talking.
5. Choked on your own spit while you were talking.
6. Had people tell you that you are blonde when you're not/or had had people tell you that your blonde highlights are going to your head.
7. Been caught staring at your crush by your crush him/herself.
8. Have looked for something for at least 10 min then realized it was in your hand.
9. Tried to push open a door that said pull.
10. Tried to pull open a door that said push.
11. Have actually believed someone when they said that they knew how to make a love potion.
12. Have hit yourself in the process of trying to hit something else.
13. Have tripped and fallen UP the stairs.
14. Have actually exploded marshmallows in the microwave.
15. Have gotten gum stuck in your hair.
16. Had gum fall out of your mouth while trying to blow a bubble.
17. Have had the juice from a grape squirt out and hit somebody else when you bit into it.
18. Have had your drink come out your nose because you were laughing so hard.
19. Have called one of your good friends by the wrong name.
20. Have skinned your toe because you were playing soccer or kickball with flip flops on or you were barefoot.
21. Have put a sticker on your forehead, forgot it was there, and went out in public with it on.
22. Have fallen out of a moving vehicle.
23. Have run into a closed door.
24. Have almost shot someone with a real gun while trying to shoot something else.
25. Searched for your cell phone while you were talking on it. (*Home phone. : D)
26. It has taken you longer than 5 min to get a joke.
27. Have gotten your hair stuck in a blow dryer.
28. Have gotten your hair stuck in a fan.
29. Tripped on a crack in the sidewalk.
30. Said o'clock after saying how many min after the hour, example: 5:30 o'clock, or 6:15 o'clock.
31. After someone told you that there was gum on the ground, you stepped in it.
32. Put on a white shirt even though you already knew it was raining outside.
33. Have ever walked up to a stranger because you thought they were someone else.
34. Ever been kicked out of a grocery store/off their property.
35. Touched the stove, the curling iron, a hot pan, etc on purpose even though you knew it was hot.
36. Picked out your change of clothes, took off the ones you had on and then accidentally put the old clothes back on.
37. Wondered why something wasn't working then realized it wasn't plugged in.
38. Put the cereal in the fridge, or put the milk in the cupboard.
39. Walked into a pole.
40. Wore two different earrings or shoes by accident.
41. Put your shirt on backwards/inside-out without realizing it then left your house.
42. Tried to take a picture of your/someone's eye with the flash on.
43. Gotten a ring stuck on your finger because you put it on even though you knew it was too small.
44. Walked out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe without realizing it.
45. Went to go do something/go get something, then when you got there forgot what is was that you were going to do.
46. Picked up someone else's drink and drank out of it by accident when your drink was right next to it.
47. Fallen out of your chair while trying to pick something up.
48. Have poked yourself in the eye.
49. Have gotten in the shower with your socks still on.
50. Melted your hairbrush while blow drying your hair.
51. Have done enough stupid things to make a test.
52. Have accidentally stabbed yourself with a pencil.
53. Have sung the wrong verse to a song without realizing it.
54. Have given an odd answer to a question because you didn't hear the question in the first place and didn't feel like asking what it was.
55. Told someone you were the wrong age because you seriously forgot how old you were.
56. Looked into an overhead light purposefully while it was on.
57. Got up early and got ready for school/work/meeting, then realized that you didn't have school/work/meeting that day.
58. Have tripped on a cord after someone told you to watch out for it.
60. Have ever laughed at a joke that no one else thought was funny or a movie.
61. Done the Macarena to the electric slide or vice versa.
62. Said funner, then had someone make fun of you for it.
63. Have repeated yourself at least twice in the same sentence.
64. Brought up an inside joke with the wrong person.
65. Didn't do the backside of an assignment because you thought that there wasn't one because you had already looked and forgot that there was another side.
66. Did more work than you had to on an assignment because you didn't read the directions.
67. Corrected someone's grammar/pronunciation then figured out that you were the one that was wrong.
68. Put something in a special place so that you would remember where it was, then forgot where you put it.
69. Put ice in your drink after the glass was full of liquid and had it splash out.
70. Told a lie then forgot what it was that you had said and got caught multiple times.
71. When wearing goggles, you pulled them away from your face and let go so that they would come back and snap you in the face.
72. Forgot to make sure that the lamp was off before you replaced the light bulb.
73. Ran into a door jam.
74. Told someone that you hardly ever do stupid things, then immediately did/said something stupid.
75. Told someone to watch out for something, then you were the one that ran into it.
76. Have purposely licked playground sand.
77. Have purposely and repeatedly flicked yourself with a rubber band.
78. Gotten so hyper that someone actually thought you were drunk when you weren't.
79. Have been so hyper you actually scared people.
80. Put duct tape on your body then pulled it off to see if it would pull your hairs out.
81. Put duct tape on your hair/someone else's hair then pulled it off.
82. Put a clothes pin/hair clip on your lip, figured out that it hurt, then did it again.
83. Sat and wondered why men’s dress shirts have a loop on the back.
84. Made up a code name for someone so that you could talk about them to someone else and no one else would know who you were talking about.
85. Have gotten a hairbrush stuck in your hair.
86. Used the straw to blow the straw wrapper at someone.
87. Shaved your tongue because you thought your taste buds looked weird.
88. When at a restaurant/cafeteria, you used your spoon to fling stuff at people.
89. Have flung forks at people in a restaurant/cafeteria.
90. Sucked on a cup and got a hickey from it.
91. As you were writing, you moved your head back and forth with your pen/pencil.
92. Have drawn finger puppets on your fingers then named them.
93. Have wrapped someone in a roll of toilet paper.
94. Have used somebody else's toothbrush without even realizing it wasn't yours.
95. Started telling a story and forget what you were talking about or what happened in the story.
96. When you saw a ‘beware of dog’ sign, you told the owners to beware of the dogs not realizing they owned the dogs.
97. You have spelled your own name wrong before.
98. When lying in bed you look for pictures in the texture of the ceiling.
99. Have used your calculator as a form of communication in class.
100. Have popped a balloon in your mouth.
YOUR GUY SIDE:
x You love hoodies.
x You love jeans.
x Dogs are better than cats.
x It's hilarious when people get hurt.
x You've played with/against boys on a team.
x Shopping is torture.
x Sad movies suck
x You own/ed an X-Box.
x Played with Hotwheel cars as a kid.
x At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
x You own/ed a DS, PS2 or Sega.
x You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.
x You watch sports on TV.
x Gory movies are cool.
x You go to your dad for advice. (Depends for what)
x You own like a trillion baseball caps.
x You like going to high school football games.
x You used to/do collect football/baseball cards.
x Baggy pants are cool to wear.
x It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
x Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.
x You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
x Sports are fun
x Talk with food in your mouth.
x Sleep with your socks on at night.
YOUR GIRL SIDE:
x You wear lip gloss/stick.
x You love to shop
x You wear eyeliner.
x You wear the color pink.
x Go to your mom for advice.
x You consider cheerleading a sport. (I guess...)
x You hate wearing the color black.
x You like hanging out at the mall.
x You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
x You like wearing jewelry.
x Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.
x Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
x You don't like the movie Star Wars. (I can't really have an opinion on it. I never watched it...)
x You were in gymnastics/dance.
x It takes you around/ more one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up. (Showering is fun. : D)
x You smile a lot more than you should.
x You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.
x You care about what you look like.
x You like wearing dresses when you can.
x You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne.
x You love the movies.
x Used to play with dolls as little kid.
x Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy/joke of it. (I don't think drawing on someone's face counts...)
x Like being the star of every thing
Total: 6/24 Haha...OOPS
put this on your
---██--- DeviantArt page
█████ if your
---██--- not embarrased
---██--- to tell
---██--- others that
---██--- you're a Christian
╔══╗♫ Paste this ♫
║██║♫ on your ♫
║██║♫ page if ♫
║(O)║♫ you love ♫
╚══╝♫ music ♫
║Most of you won't post this. When
║Jesus died on the cross he was
║thinking of you. If you're one of few that
║cares, spread the word and love of Jesus Christ.
If you have ever yelled at the book you were reading because the characters did something stupid, post this on your profile.
If you want to learn Japanese, copy/paste this into your profile.
If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking, copy and paste this on your profile.
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say right before you were going to say it, copy this on your profile.
If you have ever slapped yourself and/or banged your head against a desk for no reason, copy this on your profile.
If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the conversation, copy this on your profile.
If you hate those anti-manga people, copy and paste this on your profile.
If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself/ someone else, copy this into your profile.
If you are against real fur on clothing then put this on your profile.
If you ever skipped homework to watch anime, add this to your profile.
If you love animals copy and paste this on your profile.
If you have ever laughed so hard you either choked, hyperventilated had your sides cramp, or all of the above, copy and paste this on your profile.
If you think people are out to piss you off, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have friends online whom you don't even know in the real world but you don't really care, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you spaz whenever something blows up, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you shout, "ART IS A BANG!" when you see fireworks, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you laugh at socks puppets, Muppets, and the like and say, "Those are so NOT puppets.", copy and paste this to your profile.
If you are obsessed with Fanfiction copy this into your profile.
If you hear the voices of your characters in your head, please copy this into your profile.
If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you have a lot of fanfic ideas in your head but are unable to bring yourself to write them, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you're a girl who's tired of people assuming that just because your a girl you love pink and can't fight to save your life, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile.
If you almost always have a song stuck in your head, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think rock paper scissors solves everything then put this in your profile.
95% of teens would cry if they saw Justin Bieber at the top of a skyscraper about to jump. Copy and paste this if you are part of the 5 that would sit there with popcorn and a camera and yell "DO A FLIP!"
Ninety-eight percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the two percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you think that those God-forsaken kids should just give that Trix rabbit some Trix, then copy this onto your profile.
If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.
Did you know the average American only reads 3 books a year? If you don't believe that it's even possible to read that little, copy and paste this onto your profile.
Me, behave? Seriously? As a child I saw Tarzan almost naked, Cinderella arrived home after midnight, Pinocchio told lies, Aladdin was a thief, Batman drove over 200 miles an hour, Snow White lived in a house with 7 men, Popeye smoked a pipe and had tattoos, Pac Man ran around to digital music while eating pills that enhanced his performance, and Shaggy and Scooby were mystery solving hippies that always had the munchies. The fault is not mine! If you had this childhood and loved it, copy and paste this into your profile.
Shut the f
Shut the fu
Shut the fuc
Shut the fuck
Shut the fuck u
Shut the fuck up
What Animal Are You?
Hosted By theOtaku.com: Anime
What Type Of Music Are You?
Hosted By theOtaku.com: Anime
What Pokemon Are You?
Hosted By theOtaku.com: Anime
Which Disney Fairy Are You?
Hosted By theOtaku.com: Anime
What Type Of Movie Are You?
Hosted By theOtaku.com: Anime
What Sonic Character Are You?
Hosted By theOtaku.com: Anime
What Element Fits You Best?
Hosted By theOtaku.com: Anime
What Kirby Hat Do You Wear?
Hosted By theOtaku.com: Anime
Which Warrior Clan Would You Be In?
Hosted By theOtaku.com: Anime
What Eevee Evolution Are You?
Hosted By theOtaku.com: Anime
What Champion Are You?
Hosted By theOtaku.com: Anime
|Donate, or else my cat will get you.|
10 - 1 week feature
20 - 2 week feature
30 - 3 week feature
40 - 1 month feature
50 - 2 month feature
100 - 4 month feature
200 - 6 month feature
300 - 8 month feature
400 - 10 month feature
500 - 1 year feature
1000+ - forever feature